im gonna be hot in a few years i swear
Parody of Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea’s Problem
I love the real song and I love both singers… but every single line of this is actually so true. hahah genius.
evan peters completely won me over in AHS season 2… kind of love him
|Germany:||*scores 5 points in half an hour*|
|Brazil:||I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now|
just look at that work of art
and that piece of crap hanging on the wall behind him
so I finally gave into the hype and decided to read The Fault in Our Stars.
it’d taken pretty much every fiber of my being to resist reading TFioS up until that point (I mean, every other post on tumblr is a reference or quote to the damn thing), but I’d kept putting it off because I thought it’d be too sad. but when all the movie hype started bombarding me and I finally saw that nothing in the trailer seemed too upsetting/emotional, I decided I should probably be okay to check out the book.
my initial reaction upon reading was that - John Green must not have any children.
or have spent any significant time around children.
or have even met a child.
… because he writes his teenage characters like they are little literary versions of pretentious, WASPy grandparents. seriously, what kind of 16-year-old says things like: “I want to have scrambled eggs with dinner without this ridiculous constitution that a scrambled-egg-inclusive meal is breakfast”? to her parents? like fine, I’d totally understand if this Hazel Grace (despite being only 16, out of school for 3 years, and having - self-proclaimedly - read only one book in that whole period of time) talked like that because she was just some anomaly or rare child genius… but no, EVERY. teenager. in the book. talked like this!
like for instance, take a casual conversation between Hazel and her two 17-year-old guy friends Isaac and #protagonistAugustusWaters:
I: ”I was like, ‘Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn’t going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that an intellectual giant like yourself would deign to operate on me.’”
H: ”He sounds like a winner. I’m gonna try to get me some eye cancer just so I can make this guy’s acquaintance.”
#A: ”Pardon the double entendre, my friend, but there’s something a little worrisome in your eyes.”
really? they’re in high school, not a fucking Jane Austen novel. if you’d have dropped in on a random convo between me and my friends when we were 16, it’d probably have been like, “what the fuck? that’s legit. gay!” I mean, really - 16. I’m inclined to think that John Green is just woefully out of touch with what actual teenagers are like these days… either that or apparently all kids with cancer talk like this and I just wasn’t aware?
or maybe just kids from Indiana. idk. I’ve never been to Indiana.
so yeah. that automatically made Hazel and Augustus, as characters, virtually impossible for me to relate to. and if main characters can lose my empathetic loyalty within the first 50 pages, it’s really hard to win me back.
it also didn’t help that everything Augustus or Hazel said made me want to vomit.
I mean, I’d kinda been prepared for that after seeing the movie trailer and pretty much pulling this face for most of it:
so. cheesy. “why are you looking at me?” “because you’re beautiful.” vomit. barf. the dialogue was so contrived; it made H & A even MORE unrelatable to me. and I’m SORRY, I KNOW they are teens with terminal cancer, okay? trust me, every piece of me wanted to love them the way a reader is supposed to love #protagonists… but not only were they difficult to relate to to begin with, it’s really hard to root for 2 characters whose every interaction made me grimace like a pregnant&dying Bella Swan.
A: “Hazel Grace, to have my heart broken by you would be a privilege.” seriously, who talks like this? reading about the couple made me feel like I was back in college, sitting behind 2 pretentious theater majors intentionally talking loud enough for other people to hear while simultaneously reveling in the elitist fact that they knew nobody could understand them. as a result, I felt alienated from Hazel and Augustus’ world. to be honest, I even kind of hated them at times. (which, of course, led to me eventually kind of hating myself - because what kind of heartless douchebag hates on 2 teens - even fictional - with cancer?). so yeah - just an overall grand ol’ time reading the book so far.
the only other thing that really bugged me was the unrealistic timeline of the story.
again, this can probably be attributed to John Green and the Case of the Unfamiliar-With-Real-Teenagers thing I mentioned earlier.
let’s think about it:
- Hazel essentially meets Augustus AND his parents on the same day. she’s in his basement a couple hours after meeting him. not unheard of, I guess… but still weird.
- she gives him a 650 page book to read (with a dense, obscure style of writing, from what I can see) and he not only finishes it within two days but can then quote from it and becomes as obsessed as Hazel (who, btw, has read the book countless times over the course of 3 years) is with it. JG: 16-year-old boys today do not read. and fine - maybe Augustus Waters is another child genius/anomaly… but his other favorite book is a zombie video game adaptation? not buying it, Green. but then again, maybe talking like a 19th century philosopher is a side effect of being a teen with cancer who lives in Indiana.
- they make plans to go to Amsterdam together within 3 weeks of knowing each other.
- at one point, Hazel mentions that she’s had boyfriends pre-diagnosis. or kissed boys. or whatever, I can’t remember. the point is - she’s 16. she’s been out of school for 3 years and I’m guessing her diagnosis was before she dropped out. that would’ve given her… 11 or 12 whole years to have met all these boys. I mean, this - while in itself already hard to believe - is made even less believable when we take into account that Hazel is the type of introverted girl whose own mom told her that she needs to “make friends, get out of the house, and live a life.” I talk a lot, go to graduate school, am surrounded by hundreds of people, and can drive anywhere I want at any given time — where’s my meet-cute -> boyfriend? these “teens” created in John Green’s imagination, if anything, at least impress me with their unrealistic timeline of accelerated living.
anyway, TFioS isn’t a bad book at all - I’ve read many, many worse. at least it’s well-written, at least the characters have flaws (hamartias, if you’re a John-Green-created-teen ©), at least the plot is touching and honest. if the setting were 1850 and Hazel/Augustus were 26, I could probably even love this book.
addicted to this song