1940’s Edward sucks some guy’s blood
Bella has a dream in which she and Edward are standing on top of the mutilated, bloody corpses of their loved ones
Bella and Edward have awkward abusive sex for a painfully long time
Bella and Edward spend the next 2 hrs playing chess
Bella gets morning sickness and they show the puke. Then she sits on the toilet but never flushes it.
Sooo. Jacob has a new little wolf friend named Seth (/no pedo)
Bella’s demon baby starts to kill her from the inside. She looks like Skeletor. They zoom in up close on her grey eye sockets.
Jacob suggests that maybe the baby needs to drink blood. So the Cullens put a packet of HUMAN blood inside a styrofoam cup like the ones you get Coke from at Costco.
Bella drinks the HUMAN blood through a straw
Bella says she wants to name the kid Reneesme
Bella drops her drink of HUMAN blood and her back snaps in half like the ending of Paranormal Activity 3
The Cullens have to perform an emergency C-section or else Bella will die. Rosalie jams morphine into Bella. She lets it spread for approx. 2 seconds before Alice STABS A KNIFE into Bella’s bigass stomach.
Blood everywhere. Rosalie goes crazy and has to leave
Edward somehow sinks his teeth into Bella’s womb and chews up the umbilical cord with his fangs or something
He takes out the baby and is covered in so much blood and guts that he looks like a character from Saw
Bella looks absolutely terrible, then dies.
Edward panics and JAMS a syringe of venom into Bella. This makes her cold dead neck snap back and forth - exactly like a scene from The Exorcist
Edward keeps trying to restart Bella’s heart, while her cold dead body thumps repeatedly on the table
Long fight scene between cute Hawaiian looking werewolf guys and vampires. Bella’s eyes open and they’re red.
Everyone leaving the theater:
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- lindarrr said: HAHAHA JESS YOU ARE SO HILARIOUS.
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yuristrife reblogged this from jessmental and added:
this post. OMG I just can’t. xD
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- shortdrinkofh2o said: this makes me want to watch it in a weird, masochistic kinda way..
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- revert3d said: this made me LOL at work! good job
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jessmental posted this
